Arkham for the holidays
by Horrorfana
Summary: Harley spreads some Christmas cheer to Dr Arkham. Blackmail and rhyming included.
1. Chapter 1

"How much longer Red?"

Ivy doesn't look away from the window she's sitting beside. "Five hours Harley."

"Okay." Harley whistles contently to herself as she sits on the floor for a few minutes until turning back to Ivy.

"Now how long?"

Ivy sighs in annoyance. "It's still five hours Harley."

Harley stares at the clock on the wall in frustration. "Can't it go any faster?"

"I don't see why you're so exited about such a murderous day, especially since you won't exactly get to celebrate."

"Why not?"

"Do I really need to remind you of last years gift 'incident'?"

"Oh yeah. But everyone was happy to see that hole in the wall."

"Everyone?"

"Okay. Dr Crane was a little mad when the bookcase landed on him... But that was his fault. If he'd been watching tv like everone else and not standing by a wall..."

"Then that murderer who set my babies on fire."

"Yeah but you got him back so everything turned out alright."

Ivy glares at Harley. "My babies didn't 'turn out alright'."

Harley ignores her and continues. "And Eddie had all those pretty lights..."

Ivy returns her gaze to the window. "If by lights you mean those obnoxious flashing green quest..."

"Then Puddin gave the city the greatest gift of all."

"An A-bomb?"

"Nope! Well...that too but bird boy ruined it. Then he gave each and every citizen, in the east shopping district, a permanent Christmas smile! And that was only on Christmas eve. On Christmas morning everyone woke up to a pretty purple present. They were blown away! What a great end to the twelve days of Christmas."

"So, is he going to actually get you this year or...?"

"At midnight. Whatcha lookin at Red?"

"All the natural deaths of my babies. And all the murders just to hang colored lights and plastic orbs on. What a waste."

"Ya wanna know what I wanted to get you this year?"

"What?" Ivy asks bored.

"A new greenhouse! Either that or a trip to South America."

Ivy faces Harley and smiles. "Thats very thoughtful."

"What would you have given me?"

"I wasn't...a shopping spree at the toy store."

Harley jumps up and gives Ivy a bear hug. "Thank you so much Red! This is the best..."

"But you don't get anything because we're still serving six life sentences."

Harleys face drops slightly. "Oh...right."

A smile spreads across Harleys face. "If Jerry is lacking Christmas spirit, maybe ghosts will make him hear it."

"Not the rhyming."

"No time to explain, blackmail needs to be lain."

Harley skips over to the couch and hops onto it, bouncing up into an air vent.


	2. Chapter 2

"And as you can see, that's why you have to help me."

Harley beams at Edward Nigma who rubs his temples in frustration.

"I suppose I have nothing better to do."

Harley jumps over beside Nigma and pulls him into a bear hug. After a moment, he awkwardly pats her back.

"You're the best Eddie...um, and huggable like a Teddy?"

"You do realize that you don't need to rhyme."

"But it's almost Christmas! Let's go!"

Harley hops up and pulls Nigma out of his cell by his arm.

...

Dr Jerimiah Arkham tosses in his sleep and jerks awake at the sound of creaking by his bed. He looks around to find no one. Living within the asylum is both at times convenient and troubling. The thought that any number of patients could find his quarters leaves him anxious.

Arkham stands from his bed and walks into his joined bathroom. There's a scuffling noise and before he can turn around, he is hit hard on the head, knocking him unconscious.

...

Arkham awakens in the passenger side of his car with his wrists duck taped together. His vision clears and he looks over to find Harley in a dress quickly stitched together from strait jackets.

"Oh hell. Another kidnapping? What ransom do you want Harley?"

Harley smiles warmly at him. "I'm not Harley, I'm the ghost of Christmas spirit...and...you're gonna get it?"

"Are...are you rhyming now? Joy." Arkham rests his head against the seat and closes his eyes in annoyance.

Harley returns her gaze to the road and suddenly slams on the brakes. Arkham falls forward and hits his head on the dashboard.

"Son of a...!"

Harley grabs him by the collar and turns his head to look out the window.

"Look around. When's the last time you even celebrated Christmas abound?"

Arkham looks out the window and sees a line of brightly decorated houses.

"It's a waste of time."

"Such a spirit pooper. Soon you'll sadden yourself into a stupor."

"Is this the best you can do Harlein?"

"Of corse not! Just wait and see what I've got."

Harley drives for a few minutes singing various Christmas songs. When she parks the car, this time she gets out and opens Dr Arkhams door for him before pulling him out. She cuts his tape and pulls him close.

"Please don't run, it won't be fun."

Arkham nods and Harley leads him to the window of the building. Arkham looks inside and Harley smiles warmly.

"I could show you something sad but I haven't been here in a while so why not see how they're doing?"

Inside two young kids excitedly shake Christmas presents from under the tree. A woman enters from the kitchen and sets downs plate of cookies on the coffee table. A man playing guitar hero on the couch ignores them until the two kids run over to him and talk to him excitedly until he sets down the controller and sits down on the floor by the tree.

"Who are they?"

"Thats my mom, my brother, and his kids. Looks like they're about to pick the Christmas eve presents. I hope they like mine."

"Yours?"

"I like to drop off presents for the kids every year."

Arkham gives her a questioning look.

"I like to do one good thing every three hundred and sixty five days."

Harley smiles at the window for a moment before she grabs Arkhams arm and pulls him back to the car.

"Sorry Jerry, hope you learn to be merry."

Before he can respond, he is hit in the head and knocked unconscious.


End file.
